


In the Deep End

by UllaBritta



Category: Free!, Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Crossover, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, High School, M/M, Swimming Boys, Teen Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 02:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2834027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UllaBritta/pseuds/UllaBritta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi and Iruka are part of the Iwatobi Swim Club and through their love for swimming and a surprising friendship, they learn more about themselves, love and what it means to truly be brave. But also the pain of losing someone dear.</p><p>Major Character Death!</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Deep End

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshi/gifts).



> Written for Starshi - KakaIru Fest Winter Round 2014
> 
> ~Second place winner of Yaoi a Go Go Fanfic Contest~

* * *

"I'm sorry, but only family members can see him." The nurse informed and did not allow him to see his friend. His hands, which had gripped the edge of the counter tightly, slid down and the teenager moved slowly towards the chairs and sat down in one of them, not noticing the glance the nurse sent him, full of pity. He hated the odor of cleaning products and people, the distinctive scent of a hospital full of the sick and dead. It brought back memories he had buried deep inside. And he was just as alone now, as he had been then.

*

 

**Let's race today!**

Kakashi's thumb swiped over the telephone screen then pocketed the device after reading Iruka's message. That Iruka sure was an interesting guy. Slouching in his chair behind his school desk, the pencil on the table remained untouched while the teacher went through the PowerPoint presentation. Kakashi mainly relied on his memory and never made an actual effort to remember facts. Skimming through a book or simply listening to a lecture was enough for him to retain the information continuously. He didn't know if he had what psychologist labeled an "Eidetic memory" since he had never been tested, or if he just developed some kind of skill to memorize everything, because he didn't really care. Kakashi just knew that he was able to get information into his head pretty quickly. Whatever people would have called it, Kakashi saw it as him _copying_ what he needed to store for future use, like a machine.      

His school uniform was creased from his slouching; a white shirt under a dark-blue blazer and dark brown trousers. The red tie gave away that he was attending his second year. Kakashi was a tall young man with silver hair which refused to be tamed and felt more like thick fur in his own opinion. Dark eyes and a small scar running across the left side of his upper lip on a unsmiling mouth made some people suspicious of him, but that didn't bother Kakashi. If anything, he welcomed that most kept their distance. The way he was always seen staring down on his phone, whenever and wherever, made him seem further unapproachable. There were of course those who ignored all of that, including his habit of being blunt and cold, and somehow managed to come closer. Like his friends, Gai and Genma, and his swimming coach, Minato. And it looked like a certain student from his swimming club had managed to come closer to him as well.

 

Iruka stretched his body carefully, each arm bending and pulling on the muscles to loosen them up. He went through the routine with practiced ease before every swim practice and took his time to avoid any injuries. It was April and the unusually pleasant weather allowed them to train outside. He was doing his stretches by the pool side and the sun tickled his exposed upper body. The cherry blossoms had fallen and were scattered across the ground, painting it a soft pink and any traces of snow was gone.  More and more students were coming down to the pool area and from the corner of his eye, Iruka noticed a familiar face finishing his own stretches. Kakashi, Captain of the relay team, in his gray tights with a red line on the outseam, dived straight into the pool and warmed up by doing some laps. His limbs seemed to extended endlessly and Iruka couldn't help but stop and stare. He was mesmerizing when he swam.

The water forced Kakashi to push in order to break the barrier it naturally created, and also carried him through. It was a challenge that offered Kakashi a type of freedom he couldn't get anywhere else. But what attracted him the most to swimming, and still held his interest, was how logical the process was; _if you give up you will sink, push too hard and you will also sink._ It demanded a balance, the very thing Kakashi felt he lacked outside of the pool. The cool water calmed him and if it wasn't for the fact that he couldn't breathe under the surface then he would have stayed in the pool forever. Eventually though, Kakashi was forced to the surface and swam slowly to the edge where Iruka had sat down and was openly observing him. It wasn't the first time Kakashi caught him looking.  

Iruka had naturally tanned skin, dark hair in a high ponytail and a long scar across his nose under dark eyes. His body was built solid and back strong from swimming and he always wore a green headband with a pattern of dolphins on it when not in the pool. Kakashi thought it was stupid looking at first but now he was so used to seeing it that he couldn't imagine Iruka without it. He suspected the guy slept in that thing too. Iruka wore his standard black swimming tights with green lines swirling across his thighs and calves.

"I got your text," Kakashi greeted but stayed in the water.

"I didn't get a reply though. That's kind of rude you know."

"Well, isn't it better to get a reply in person?"

Iruka snorted, not falling for Kakashi's explanation. The guy sucked at communicating and almost never replied to his text. "So what's your reply then, are you up for a race?" A smile broke out on Iruka's face. He couldn't help himself, thinking about swimming against Kakashi got him going.

"Might as well, since I'm here and all." Was Kakashi's blasé reply.

"You love to compete! Don't pretend like you are doing me a favor." Iruka was one of the few students who had the guts to call Kakashi's bluff. Initially he had been just as wary as the other students around Kakashi but being in the same swim club for over a year with him had thought Iruka to look underneath the underneath when it came to Kakashi. He wasn't as cold as he came off as, not really.

Iruka had a tendency to be annoying and demanding, Kakashi had actually disliked him at first, yet he had gotten used to his personality and a small part of Kakashi appreciated that he refused to play along. Kakashi didn't object to what Iruka had said, only dove back down, head disappearing under the surface. Irritating as it was, Iruka was right; he loved to compete. And win.

He did that sometimes, disappeared in the middle of a conversation, so Iruka wasn't exactly surprised when Kakashi opted to swim instead of admitting Iruka was right. The guy was strange, yet interesting in his own way. Iruka stood and joined their coach who was looking through his papers while answering questions by a junior.

Namikaze Minato coached them; a sympathetic blond man with striking blue eyes and a calm disposition. Even though Iruka had become his unofficial assistant, and they seemed to instinctively understand each other when it came to the important job of mentoring, Minato had always found himself hovering over Kakashi just a little more than his other students. It wasn't just Kakashi's talent in the pool that drew him to the teenager but also knowing about his past and current life. That did not mean Minato went easy on him, only that he offered his time and a shoulder if it was needed.

 

The day's practice was spent training the members for a relay and eventually select who would compete in the prefectural. The Iwatobi Swim Club had gained popularity after the founders of the club had competed in the nationals and some had even gone to the Olympics. Every day before or after practice, the swim club members, mainly the juniors, would gather in front of the portraits of the former members, hanging in an alcove outside of the locker rooms. And especially one Nanase Haruka was the object of their admiration. A teenager with blue eyes and dark hair, he met the camera without a smile and a distant look on his face. Nanase had made it to the Olympics and his reputation as a Free swimmer had spread like wildfire, which meant that a lot of club members strived to imitate him. Coach Minato usually spent the first part of the training semester informing the boys, over and over again, that all of them couldn't swim free if they want to be part of a relay. But that just led to the boys competing against each other with the intention of proving themselves worthy of the position. 

Kakashi would most likely swim this year as well, his butterfly stroke being quite impressive, but Iruka wouldn't. He had entertained the thought of swimming in the relay when he was a junior but now Iruka coached the team instead, alongside Minato, and he found it to be enjoyable and more to his taste. Yet one thing always excited him; competing with Hatake Kakashi. They walked a fine line between rivals and comrades, though Kakashi remained elusive in his ways and hard to get to know. But that was fine with Iruka; he liked a challenge. Kakashi usually swam butterfly while Iruka loved backstroke and they would compete in front crawl. Kakashi had a bad habit of winning their races, and Iruka had informed him of this, though he had beat Kakashi twice and that fueled him to keep racing. His need to compete and win wasn't as strong as Kakashi's, Iruka raced for the joy of it. And it was something that kept them connected.

Only recently had Iruka calmed down and assumed the role of a mentor. Raised by a single and working mother, he felt he had to go that extra mile to get noticed and make friends. And so he had pranked and acted like a clown throughout his studies. One particular prank during Iruka's first year in high school, involving itching powder and a poor student's swimming trunks, got him in a lot of trouble and the ultimatum was to either straighten up, or leave the swim club. Being part of the swim club meant everything to Iruka so the decision was easy. Through diligence, Iruka gained  sympathy among his peers as the short tempered but helpful senior and coach assistant. Although some students were still careful around him, yet mainly due to his temper and the roars that would echo across the pool area when he got angry.

 

When they were done for the day and the sun was lowering in the sky, Iruka pulled out his goggles from his bag and stood on the starting block. Kakashi joined him, his skin still glistening from his time in the water. A senior volunteered as a referee and was in charge of the whistle while the students gathered around the pool to witness the race. Minato had left them to it.

"Ready?" Iruka asked, smiling crookedly and adjusted his goggles.

Kakashi nodded once. He clenched and unclenched his fists before rolling his shoulders and got into position on the starting block.

Complete silence and calm enveloped them all during the wait for the signal, like the whole world was holding its breath in anticipation for them to burst into action. Iruka loved that moment, it made him focus and everything around them faded away.

The whistle blew and they jumped simultaneously. Immediately the other students shouted their names, rooting for their favorite yet none of that registered with the two swimmers who swam with everything they had. Hands pushed through the water and forced it to give, carving a path through it for them to reach their target. They couldn't see each other in the water and could only rely on their own strength to get them where they needed. Bodies twisted and feet touched tiles before repeating their struggle. Every part of these races were thrilling for Kakashi and Iruka. The sound of names being chanted increased as they swam closer to the finish line, hands and arms working, legs moving fluidly and the water embracing them before wet hands slapped against the tile, one faster than the other. The whole thing lasted barely a minute.     

"Kakashi!" The referee exclaimed and some of the students cheered while others groaned, clearly having lost some bet. Kakashi wiped water from his face with his hand while Iruka pulled off his goggles and then did the same.

"I'll get you next time, don't get a big head!" Iruka splashed water at Kakashi and couldn't suppress the smile on his face.

Kakashi's lips quirked up for a second before his usual neutral, borderline bored, expression appeared again. "Gotta work harder, Coach Assistant," he drawled, although his eyes reveled his amusement.

"Race ME now!" One of the younger students piped up, staring straight at Kakashi. Few challenged him so the kid's bravery was met with surprise by the others, who opened their mouths and stared.

But then a senior rolled his eyes and pulled on the junior's waistband, making it snap loudly and stinging the kid's backside and the junior winced. "Learn some manners, idiot," he reprimanded and the guys laughed and forgot all about the two in the pool. Iruka hoisted himself up onto the ledge and noticed Kakashi leaving them quietly. He opened his mouth to protest but let it go and watched the door to the locker room close.

 

Kakashi lived on his own in a cramped studio apartment. It was sparsely furnished and looked nothing like the home of a high school teenager. The grayish walls were bare and it was tidy but impersonal. The only objects that could be tied to a young man were the school books and uniform, now hanging on a rack on the wardrobe door. The open curtains allowed the dying sun to shine in and add some color into the apartment and Kakashi sat in the small sofa, which doubled as a bed when pulled out, and looked out the window. His long legs were extended in front of him and he succumbed to the feeling that came after practice, his limbs satisfyingly heavy.

He thought of the upcoming relay and Iruka. Although why Iruka occupied his thoughts he wasn't sure. But the more time they spent, the more he found he might actually like him. Other than swimming, they seemed to have nothing in common. They were two very different people and Iruka always smiled, even though Kakashi didn't care to smile back. But most importantly, there was no pity in his eyes. Kakashi had received his share of those looks and hated them.

 

Kakashi and Iruka both attended their second year but were in different classes and hung out with different people so they almost never saw each other outside of practice. Yet lately they would bump into each other in the hallway and Iruka would be his usual light- hearted self and strike up a conversation. Genma, a bandana wearing tall guy with a toothpick always in his mouth, would observe quietly while the ever energetic Gai, with his bushy black brows and bowl cut, would happily chat away with Kakashi's "Fellow Swimming Enthusiast and Friend" as he called Iruka. Kakashi was impressed that Gai hadn't managed to scare away Iruka and that he could match his energy in conversation. What he didn't like was how Genma looked his way with a sly grin, like he had figured something out.

"I don't know what it is you think you know, but you need to stop." Kakashi leaned close and whispered to Genma.

"He's cute. You should befriend him," Genma shrugged nonchalantly.

Kakashi ignored him and made up an excuse to drag away Gai from Iruka and left.

 

May was drawing near yet the temperature had dropped. The swim club continued to train outdoors and the relay team had been decided; Kakashi would compete, as predicted. Iruka and Kakashi had raced once more and Kakashi had won again. Their talks outside of practice continued and Kakashi had started to answer Iruka's texts. A type of friendship had blossomed along with spring. It turned out they liked the same music and some movies. They had briefly breached the subject of their family and Iruka shared the story about his mom, but Kakashi didn't say anything about his parents. He wasn't ready to talk about that. Besides, everyone at school had most likely heard about it, including Iruka.

Iruka caught up with Kakashi after practice one Thursday and they walked together to the train station. That was happening more and more and Kakashi had begun to take his time in the locker room as to give Iruka a chance to catch up with him after locking up the pool area and showering.

"Wanna hang out? My mom is away this weekend." It was the first time Iruka invited Kakashi to his house. "I have a new game we can play. It's about ninjas, pretty cool. One of them kind of looks like you!" Iruka said, laughing.

Kakashi's raised eyebrows spurred Iruka on to continue about his discovery. "He has weird silver hair like you, and his left eye is hidden and his face too." He covered the lower part of his face with his hand, hiding lips and nose, to demonstrate. 

Kakashi didn't have anything fun like a game console in his apartment, only a computer used mainly for school work and he could only play the most basic games on it. It doubled as his TV and DVD player as well. Kakashi was very careful with money and his smartphone was the only luxury item he had allowed himself.

"Well... In that case I should probably come over..." Kakashi drawled his words and pretended to think about it, but in reality he had surprised himself and gotten excited over the idea of spending the day at Iruka's house playing games. It wasn't like he had never been to a friend's house. But spending alone time with Iruka, doing something else than swimming... He liked that thought.

"... so I can play with myself." He finished, an embarrassed chuckle burst out of him and Iruka punched him playfully on the shoulder while laughing too. At some point,  he had started to smile and laugh more often around Iruka too.

 

They agreed to meet up halfway in the city center. It had been raining for a couple of days and the sun which had shined so beautifully on them during the entire month of April was nowhere to be seen. Kakashi waited in the safety of the station platform, the rain hitting the windows high above him, the sound of it drowned by the trains coming and going. It was the weekend so he was wearing his casual clothes; a loose-fitting, long sleeved, black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and comfortable blue jeans, paired with his old converse sneakers which barely held together. Along with the rain came a chilly wind but Kakashi rarely became cold and so generally didn't wear any jackets, unless it was his swim club jacket since he was rather fond of it. He hadn't brought an umbrella so his hair was damp from the walk from his bus to the train station.

That was what Iruka saw when he turned the corner and walked towards the familiar, lanky form leaning against a pillar, engrossed in whatever was on the screen of his phone. A group of girls stood a bit further away but kept glancing Kakashi's way, whispering among themselves and giggling. Iruka though he even saw one of them secretly take a picture of Kakashi but he seemed not to have noticed their existence. Iruka sometimes wondered if Kakashi even realized that a world beyond his phone existed. Funny enough, that was one of the things Iruka liked about him; how different he was despite his good looks and talent. He could have easily been one of the popular guys at school with a new girl on his arm every week. And yet here he was, in all his mysterious glory, proving them all he was nothing like that and refused to live up to their stereotypical expectations.

"Hi. Been here long?" Iruka greeted Kakashi with a smile when he came up to him. From the corner of his eye he could see that the whispering had intensified and that another secret picture had been taken by the young ladies. Iruka had never been popular with girls, his prankster persona had pretty much put a stop to that so he was surprised to see that they hadn't lost interest when he blocked their view of Kakashi. Standing right in front of him, Iruka noticed that they were almost the same height. It was weird how he had noticed that just then and always believed Kakashi to be at least a head taller.

Kakashi shifted his attention and slid his phone into his pocket. Seeing that spread a tingle of happiness inside of Iruka. Kakashi noticed that he was in a blue hoodie, dark-gray track pants and a pair of sturdy looking sneakers. Even on his days off he looked like a coach. Although, the dolphin headband was nowhere to be seen and Kakashi could now see Iruka's forehead and hairline, and the stray strands of hair which had escaped his ever-present hair-tie. He was also carrying a folded, white umbrella. "Nope, you are on time," Kakashi teased and Iruka poked his arm in retaliation.

"A mentor is always on time!"

"If you say so."

They took the train to Iruka's home and passed buildings until the landscape changed and they could see a part of the sea. Sitting side by side and looking out the window in silence, Iruka and Kakashi watched the water stretch out and it appeared to be flowing along the direction of the train, moving with it. The gray weather stole its usual beauty but Iruka still enjoyed the view and it had a pleasing effect on Kakashi too.

"I love the sea," Iruka said. Kakashi hummed in reply and could see himself going there someday, when the rain stopped, with Iruka. But he didn't share that thought out loud.

Iruka lived in a family home an hour away from their school and the opposite direction of town from Kakashi. It was a regular small white house with a brown roof, one of many on the narrow street lined with telephone poles, but it had a welcoming air about it and Kakashi liked it instantly. It was nothing like his cramped studio apartment or his father's massive, too big for two people, mansion. Kakashi had only a vague memory of that house yet he did not miss it. Iruka opened the door for them and guided Kakashi upstairs after taking off his shoes at the entrance. The house was empty just like Iruka had told him, save for a black and white cat which observed the newcomer with suspicion as they passed it on their way to the second floor. Kakashi was a dog person so he was totally fine with the cat not liking him.

Iruka's room was like its occupant; warm, bright and obsessed with the sea. There were posters on one of the walls of dolphins and other sea animals. A bookshelf filled with literature and textbooks, some biographies written by and about swimmers, a couple of books about ninjas - another thing the teen seemed to enjoy, and even a thick book about teaching, with colorful pieces of papers sticking out from the top, clearly marked.  Kakashi also noticed a stuffed dolphin poking out between some knick knacks on a smaller shelf above the bed. He leaned closer to the shelf, peering at the baby-blue and white plush.

"You really live up to your name, Iruka," Kakashi hummed and Iruka laughed nervously, feeling embarrassed and on display.

"My mom really likes dolphins... even named me after them," he laughed again, rubbing his neck and eager to switch Kakashi's focus to something less awkward. He made a mental note to stick that dolphin at the very back of the closet. "So how about I get us something to drink and you can set the game up..?" There was a medium sized TV, the thick, old kind, in a corner and a gaming console next to it and Kakashi sat down on the floor and got to work, secretly enjoying making Iruka blush.

Iruka brought snacks and ice-tea and beat Kakashi a couple of times before Kakashi got the hang of it and memorized the button sequences to the most powerful attacks, or jutsus as they were called in the game. Then Iruka stood no chance, no matter how hard and fast he button-mashed. Annoyed that Kakashi was winning over him, Iruka began bumping into him, using his weight to make Kakashi lose balance and focus, giving Iruka a shot to even things out. It was childish and totally unfair but seeing the surprise on Kakashi's face was worth it and Iruka started laughing. What he didn't expect was Kakashi to push back and laugh too. It was the first time Iruka had heard him laugh so openly. Iruka did his best not ruin the moment by pointing that out. Kakashi looked even more handsome when smiling widely, his teeth straight and pearly white.

The ninja Iruka had said Kakashi resembled had been very useful. But he didn't see the resemblance between himself and the ninja and the guy read some kind of smutty book out in public and even in the middle of a battle. Total perv. When Kakashi kept winning Iruka got fed up and dropped his game controller, officially admitting defeat. "Playing with you is pointless," he complained with a groan and dug into the snack bowl instead.

Kakashi smiled to himself and put down his own controller. "Someone's a sore loser."

"There's losing and then there is getting your butt kicked. You're too good at this."

"Work harder," Kakashi shrugged with a smirk and leaned back on his elbows. He couldn't recollect the last time he had felt so at ease.

"Your humility is a true virtue," Iruka said sarcastically, popping a chip into his mouth.

Kakashi reached out and picked up a chip too, looking at it for a second. He heard Iruka crunching on some more snacks. "You have your own talents." The crunching stopped and Kakashi hesitated yet continued; "You will make a good coach someday. You have a knack for explaining and motivating." He could feel a blush creeping up his neck.

Silence followed and was broken by Iruka's happy laughter. He rubbed his neck and glanced towards Kakashi, his cheeks pink. "That's... thanks." Iruka leaned over his crossed legs, putting his weight on them. "You are much nicer than you seem, you know," he grinned. "I- I like that..."

Kakashi paused before speaking. "Does that mean, you like me?"

Another pause. "Kind of." Iruka scratched his cheek, a nervous habit of his, and looked down at his carpet, avoiding Kakashi's eyes.

Kakashi ducked his head and hid his soft smile and knew his face was just as red as Iruka's. "Well... that's good, because, I kind of like you too." He confessed, feeling his heart speed up and thumping almost painfully. Kakashi had never been this honest with anyone.

The kiss caught him by surprise and landed awkwardly on Kakashi's cheek and Iruka regretted it immediately. He was about to apologize when Kakashi faced him and kissed him back but on the lips. It was short and over before it barely started, yet it had happened and now both boys took in each other's embarrassment and joy. This wasn't the first kiss they ever shared with someone, yet it was their first kiss with someone special and they couldn't help but burst into snorts and giggles.

 

He observed Kakashi closer now when he swam. One of the privileges of being an assistant coach was that he could openly pay attention to him and Iruka found he was kind of disappointed every time Minato told him to help one of the juniors instead. They exchanged secret glances and touches in the locker room, lingering until the other swimmers had left and then they'd go out for burgers. Kakashi actually texted him now, up until that point it had been Iruka who had always been the one to start a chat conversation. No one reacted to them spending time together, though Genma still got a sly look on his face whenever Iruka would pass them in the hall. They met up for lunch at school too, sometimes with their friends in tow and sometimes alone. Kisses were stolen and given as well.

 

Exams were finished and the freedom of summer greeted the students. Kakashi and Iruka spent their free time in their town together when Iruka wasn't coaching summer swimming school for kids or Kakashi trained for the relay. Both of them had plans, dreams and goals they strove to achieve. And now, they also had each other. Kakashi no longer felt like something was missing, despite his logic telling him he had everything he needed to get by in life. And Iruka found someone who met him halfway and understood him like no else did. They came to understand what it meant to be completed by someone.

 *

"How did you get that scar?"

"I actually don't remember. It's been there since I was little," Iruka shared and dug a stick into the sand. They had spent the summer day swimming in the sea and now sat on the shore and watched the waves roll and the sky turn pink as the sun set. "And you?"

"Wrestled a bear," Kakashi deadpanned.

"Really funny. Totally unfair since I told you the truth about mine."

"Not exactly informative since you don't remember."

"Still, I was honest!" Iruka sighed in defeat. "You don't need to tell me if you don't-"

"Got into a fight when I was ten." Kakashi said, interrupting. Iruka nodded his head once in understanding. Kakashi had shared about what had happened to his father, even if Iruka had already heard about it through the grapevine.

Hatake Sakumo, Kakashi's father, committed suicide and a nine years old Kakashi had found him hanging in the living room when coming home from school. Debts and a failed business had pushed him to the point of no return. With Kakashi's mother having left when he was a toddler, Sakumo's death had turned Kakashi into an orphan. He still held a grudge against his father almost ten years later. The only positive thing out of the whole mess had been that Sakumo's debt had been settled with his death so knowing that he didn't have to work to pay it off made things at least a little bit easier for Kakashi. Thankfully, the curious glances he got his first year due to his spread reputation had stopped.

"Did you win?"

Kakashi smiled. "I have a bad habit of doing that, right?" Iruka smiled too and snuck his hand into Kakashi's, giving it a little squeeze. 

They watched the sea for a while and a gust of wind ruffled their hair. The temperature was dropping but they weren't cold, sitting close to each other. In that moment, nothing seemed impossible and both of them looked forwards to what tomorrow would bring, as long as they were together. 

 

*

Yet all good things always came to an end, no matter how innocent or sweet or kind-hearted. And Kakashi was reminded of that much too soon as life threw him into darkness once again.

It was August, the start of a new school semester. The driver had been texting and not paying attention to the road and didn't see Iruka making a turn on his bike. It had been a heavy collision and the driver had been mildly injured thanks to the airbag and seatbelt but shocked and taken in for interrogation. Iruka had been rushed to the hospital and into intensive care. 

 

Two hours and thirty three minutes later, Iruka was pronounced dead from his severe injuries. 

 

Kakashi found out when he called Iruka's cell phone and his mother answered. The hospital staff hadn't let Kakashi see Iruka's body, yet he had sat there for hours, feeling numb and suspended in disbelief.

They had seen each other just yesterday. 

*  

The funeral ceremony had been a family affair as well and it hurt Kakashi not to have been able to say his good bye properly, and at the same time, he loathed the idea of seeing someone he loved dead, again. His father's death still haunted him, whether he wanted to admit it to himself or not but somehow, this loss hit him much harder. He remembered how strangers, those who were sent to deal with the body found hanging from the ceiling, like it was some macabre ornament in the large and fashionably decorated living room, took care of the funeral arrangements. The wake, the cremation and finally the placing of the urn under the Hatake family monument. Kakashi avoided thinking about those days yet now it all came back to him like a crushing wave and forced him to remember. With each passing day, Kakashi thought about the funeral process and at what stage Iruka was in. He counted the days, waiting for it to be all over so he could pay his respects.

Kakashi attended school but avoided the pool and the club members. Initially the members and his school mates approached him and tried to coax him back to practice, make him live life as if nothing had happened. Coach Minato had even sat down for a long talk with Kakashi, Minato doing the actual talking while Kakashi spent the time shifting his gaze from Minato's shoes to his own. In the end it was the coach who probably benefited the most from that talk.

 

After a month he was done waiting. A cold early-autumn morning, Kakashi went to the cemetery and was met with a long, wooden board with Iruka's Buddhist name on it, standing behind the family monument. Seeing the sotoba made Iruka's death real. Kakashi stood in front of the gray concrete with his hands in his jeans pockets and stared at the burned out incenses bellow the piece of concrete. Classmates and guys from the swim club had visited or were planning to and at school Iruka was openly mourned. A lot of students had signed the book placed on a table in the main hallway, dedicated to his memory.

Kakashi stopped waking up for school one day and was absent from class since. He heard people ringing on his door or his phone buzzing but he ignored it all. He didn't bother turning on the lights when it became dark outside and left his bed only when nature called or he became starved. Laying in his bed, hidden under the covers, Kakashi drifted in and out of sleep, dreaming about all kinds of things, even his father but mainly Iruka. Memories and wishes swirled together and made him forget what had happened for a blissful moment when he woke up and was not yet aware of reality. That sweet moment before it all came crashing down. And when awake all he thought about was Iruka and the unreal feeling of him actually being gone. None of it made sense. He never shed a tear, only felt empty.

No matter how Kakashi tried, he could never win in life.

 

After two weeks of solitude, Kakashi was awoken one morning by Coach Minato and heard him opening up a window to let some fresh air into the stale room. "Iruka would have hated to see you like this," Minato said, his voice clear and strong, somehow piercing through the now familiar mist in Kakashi's mind. A current of anger ran through Kakashi but he didn't have the energy to fight, to question and object to Minato's assumptions and words.

"... how did you get in, anyway?" Kakashi sounded so worn-out compared to his coach.

Minato smiled softly. "I'm a ninja, didn't you know? Oh and, you've run out of food so either way, you can't stay like this."

 

Kakashi was forced back to school. Minato had demanded; either Kakashi would go there by himself or he would pick him up every morning. Kakashi chose to take the train by himself. He didn't need his phone anymore to be distracted; the world and people around him were lost in a haze, and so were the lessons he attended and didn't pay attention to. The papers he turned in were blank. Unlike after his father's death, Kakashi wasn't filled with anger which shaped into him becoming aloof, hiding his true feelings under a mask of boredom. Instead he had dark circles under his eyes, had lost weight and was falling behind academically. Kakashi still refused to go to practice and Minato allowed him to skip that, as long as he woke up in the morning and left his apartment to come to school. When he was absent one day, Minato came for him in his car the next and drove him himself.   

They had lunch together at the school cafeteria. It wasn't uncommon to see a school staff member eat there instead of in the teacher's lounge, or a student sitting by them, especially if the teacher was popular like Minato. Kakashi picked at his stew and rice while Minato ate and pretended not to notice. "The wife is due any day now, " he informed with a shy smile yet he couldn't hide the spark of pride of becoming a father in his eyes. "A baby boy the doctor said." Kakashi didn't say anything for a beat but then forced himself to congratulate his coach. He didn't have it in him to be happy for Minato.

"When he's here, I want you to meet him." Why Minato would want that Kakashi couldn't figure out but nodded his head, and doubted that would ever happen.    

Kakashi didn't want to see the guidance counselor and any invites, subtle or open, for Kakashi to open up to Minato went unheard. Minato still spent time with Kakashi when he could, and talked about anything and everything to try and catch the boy's attention. But there were days when Minato was worried for Kakashi, wondering if he would ever heal after all that happened, not just Iruka. Those were the days he felt utterly helpless. 

 *

The autumn days went by and by going to school every day, a routine formed within Kakashi and he managed to force himself to listen during class. His papers weren't blank anymore but he was still failing. During the breaks he would sit alone in some quiet corner outside, not wanting to spend time with Gai or Genma. And after school he would visit the cemetery. It was still Iruka's grave he went to, never his father's. Then he'd spend the night in his apartment, sometimes sleeping and sometimes just laying there, wide awake, thinking. 

 

"Things... aren't going like planned." Kakashi confessed to the family grave, standing in front of it. He had cleaned up the dead flowers and lit incenses, wishing he could do more and hear a reply to his words, or run his fingers across Iruka's name on the sotoba. Kakashi had considered visiting Iruka's mother, yet in the end chose not to, not sure what any of them would gain if he did.

"I've given up on swimming. I feel sick just thinking about the pool. And without you there..." He stopped talking when an old woman passed him slowly, on her way to visit someone important to her but no longer living. She put down some flowers by a grave a couple of feet away from him and stood there silently for a while. Kakashi turned back his attention to Iruka's grave and the old woman and Kakashi were momentarily connected in their grief and loss. 

"I miss you."

 

Minato's son was born and true to his words, he invited Kakashi to his house for some warm home-made dinner and to meet the baby. It was the last thing Kakashi wanted. He wasn't in the mood to be social or pretend to be interested in some kid, even if he knew it meant a lot to Minato. But in the end he had agreed. And so he met Minato's beautiful wife, Kushina, and was shown into their bedroom, where a crib was standing by the bed. His name was Naruto.

The baby boy looked up at Kakashi with sparkling, blue eyes, just like his father. Naruto's arms moved frantically up and down and he smiled at Kakashi and it was like the sun itself was beaming at him. It brought back memories and something in Kakashi stirred and ached, and the more the kid smiled and cooed happily, the harder Kakashi gripped the edge of the crib. He didn't hear the quiet sobs coming from his own throat, or felt the tears running down his cheeks, until Naruto stopped smiling and slowly went from confused to crying himself, loudly. Minato appeared within a second and lifted up his son with a chuckle and some soothing words while wrapping his free hand around Kakashi's back and pulling him into a embrace on his other side. Kakashi caved and hugged the closest thing he had to a father and both boys cried until they felt better.

 *

Kakashi spent a lot of his time with Minato's family. Kushina, Minato's feisty redheaded wife, had welcomed him immediately, embarrassing Minato by confessing that the coach often spoke about Kakashi. They treated him like what Kakashi believed one treated family. Minato soothed him with his words, Kushina soothed his stomach with her wonderful cooking and Naruto challenged and redirected any dark thoughts Kakashi had by demanding his attention and just being the cheerful and loud little boy he always was. This went on for weeks and whenever Kakashi would succumb to his memories and heaviness then Minato would be there to pick him up. His grades had improved, although he had missed the relay and prefectural contest.

Kakashi had stopped fighting against Minato and welcomed his help and guidance, just like Minato had welcomed him into his home. He didn't like staying at his own apartment anymore, the memories of himself broken were etched into the walls. Minato helped him find another apartment, one closer to his house. Though he had offered Kakashi to stay with them, who had declined and refused to be carried further. He already owed so much to his coach and his family. Kakashi's reawakened pride didn't allow him to continue being the broken boy anymore.    

 *

Winter had come and high school was still the same, filled with stress and teenage hormones despite what had happened during the summer. They had framed a picture of Iruka and hung it near the portraits of the founding swim club members. An inscription below the photo read;

 

UMINO IRUKA

SWIM FOREVER MISSED FOREVER

1996-2013

 

Iruka smiled widely on the class photo and mischief glittered in his eyes. The camera did him justice, he had always been photogenic. It hurt Kakashi to look at the picture so he didn't linger. He preferred to visit the grave and take his time.

"You look good in that picture," Kakashi told Iruka. "I think the juniors have stopped mooning over Nanase and are now looking at your photo." A light coat of snow covered the grave but was slowly melting. It had been a mild winter so far. "Coach Minato's son, Naruto... I think you would have liked him. And Coach... he's a good man. But I'm sure you already knew that..." Kakashi tightened the scarf around his neck, the only winter appropriate item he wore and still no jacket. "It's easier when there is someone by your side..."  

 

Genma and Gai were part of Kakashi's life again. They had the grace not too dig too deep about what had happened or his feelings and Kakashi was hit with a deeper appreciation for them both. A part-time job at a sports shop kept him occupied and spending less time reminiscing. At first he had avoided the swim section, yet gave into temptation one day and didn't stop himself from browsing and touching all the gear when the boss was out of sight. A familiar longing spread through him and Kakashi realized he actually missed swimming. The idea of entering a pool no longer filled him with aversion.

 

"I'll go with you," Minato offered and helped himself to some more beef. Naruto flailed, and gave occasional high pitched whines, seated in his kiddy chair by the kitchen table, and didn't cooperate with Kushina feeding him. Usually he would be on his best behavior around Kakashi, who he seemed to have a type of respect for and would play nice though happily loud, but apparently was having a bad day.

"That's okay. I have to do this myself." Kakashi said and put his hand on Naruto's chubby arm. That got the kid's attention and he stilled, watching Kakashi with wide eyes. "Naruto-kun, please be a good boy and eat your greens." He took the spoon from Kushina and filled it with some baby food before directing it Naruto's way. He was met with a last flail of the tiny hand and then the boy opened his mouth and ate the greenish paste. Kakashi sympathized; that stuff did not look appetizing. Kushina gladly let Kakashi take over and poured herself some dinner.

"You sure? I can pull some strings and let you use the pool all by yoursel-"

"Minato, don't dote on him. He can manage on his own," she directed a cheeky smile at Kakashi and he found himself smiling softly back. Kushina was loud, energetic and even scary at times but he loved her, just like he loved Minato.

"Yeah, I can manage. Thank you."

 *

It felt strange to be back. The faint smell of chlorine and every sound bouncing off the tiles in the gym was so familiar yet almost new after having avoided it for months. He was looking at things differently now; his life and future. After all, things had changed irrevocably, he wasn't the same person anymore.

Kakashi fixed his goggles, clenched and unclenched his fists then rolled his shoulders back once before taking his position on the starting block. He would never be the same person he was before he lost Iruka, that Hatake Kakashi had died with him. Instead someone a little wiser had emerged, someone braver and someone who wasn't on his own.

He'd never forget Iruka or the kindness shown to him by the people in his life and Kakashi still needed time to heal but now he was determined to push forwards, and not drown.

 

 

 


End file.
